MM2: Making a decision to slow down: Part I
Why slowing down is a radical act
“The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get.”
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Ferris Bueller
The promise of Mile Marker 2: Once you turn off the fast lane, you will slow down long enough to question your place in it. The detachment from The Big Chase will sharpen your focus on the things that matter.
TEST YOURSELF
How do you feel when you think about the prospect of slowing down?
Resistant? “Yeah, right. I have too many responsibilities”
Wistful? “If I only could!”
Confused? “But wouldn’t I be wasting my time?”
Disapproving? “Not for me. I’m not lazy. I have big plans for my life!”
Pressured? “Carpe diem! I have to pack in as much as I can!”
Overwhelmed? “That would be great if I could figure out how to do it!”
Proud? “That’s not my style--I outwork all of my colleagues—that’s how I got where I am!”
OR
Eager? “Yes—that’s for me. Tell me more!
After you’ve identified your gut reaction to the idea of slowing down you can begin to explore your feelings about it, break down resistance to it, and explore the benefits of it.
BROTHER AUGUSTINE’S NOT-QUITE-EXPESS DELIVERY
My husband and I occasionally visited Weston Priory during our visits to Vermont. Nestled in the eastern edge of Mt. Tabor, the Priory was home to a dozen Benedictine monks who lived simply, as one might expect: praying the Daily Office, sharing mostly silent communal meals, and engaging in their “bread labor”—tending to their vegetable gardens and small domestic animals that grazed in the back.
The monks also wrote poetry and made pottery. On one trip, we admired a set of bowls on display and asked the potter, Brother Augustine, if he could make us a set. He agreed. We asked when we might receive them, as it was October, and I was hoping to use them for the upcoming holiday season.
“Well, let’s see,” Brother said, cupping his chin in his hand. “This is fall…. How about spring? Would that work for you?”
It was a paradigm shift in a sentence: “This is fall…how about spring?” In a culture in which clocks have ruled the day since the invention of the water clock in the 5th century B.C.; when we expect Amazon to fulfill our every request within 24 hours--48 at the most--the reminder that time was once measured by the fullness of the moon and the changing of the seasons was a mindbender to say the least. Who schedules their calendar by the seasons??
When we understood that he was serious, we said, “sure, that’s fine,” and about seven months later—in May--we received our bowls.
MY PURPOSEFUL WALK
“You have a very purposeful walk,” the man said to me as I breezed by him in the post office on the way to pick up my mail. I was taken aback—was his observation a compliment or a critique? Was my walk so distinctive that he was compelled to call it out?
In retrospect, I think he meant that I walk as if I’m on a mission. It’s a trait of mine, for better or worse. People generally walk to get from Point A to Point B, and I’m no exception. However, I might be a bit more focused on the destination than the journey. Pacing long and steady, feet planted firmly, eyes fixed ahead… In those moments, I probably look more like a Marine corporal than my husband does, and he actually is a Marine corporal.
For instance, whenever we get to our destination in the car to, say, the supermarket, I jump out and march across the parking lot with my “purposeful walk”—rushing into the store and grabbing the cart as if I were racing to the hospital in labor. I sweep through the aisles with barely a glance--which is how I sometimes wind up with fat-free butter or jalapeno marshmallows. I throw the stuff in the cart with the frenzy of a contestant on Guy Fieri’s Grocery Games.
“Slow down!” My husband admonishes. “What’s your rush? We’re not late for anything!”
In contrast, when he goes to the supermarket, he takes a different approach. He pulls into the space. He looks around. Turns off the ignition. Looks around again. Observes the family passing in front of his truck. Notices what they wear. Removes sunglasses and places them carefully in the glove box. Reaches for his cologne and gives himself a spritz. Checks for his wallet. Watches an older couple walk by. Notices how they walk. Creates a story about them in his head. Opens the car door. Gets out. Stands straight and stretches his legs. Scans the area. Shuts the door. Saunters across the parking lot absorbing his surroundings, saying hello to the people on their way out of the store. Takes a cart after offering one to the lady behind him. Saunters down aisles. Compares unit pricing, examining labels. Meditates on the differences and similarities between two different mustards. Chooses the one he thinks Gordon Ramsay might pick. Sets it carefully in the cart in his own particular way—filling the seat of the cart first and only using the rest of the cart for large, heavy items. He is so very mindful, so very intentional.
He drives me crazy! Weren’t you bored even reading that??
So, I guess you could say that while I am the one writing about mindfulness and slowing down, he’s the one more likely to actually demonstrate it (at least in the supermarket). But I have learned from him. He’s right. We are rarely—actually never--fleeing a fire when we go somewhere. So what’s the rush? What is ever the point of The Big Rush?
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Have you ever noticed that time moves so slowly when…
…. Waiting for your egg to finish boiling
…. Anticipating a call from someone
…. Your cell phone needs to be charged before you can check your messages
…. You are in a supermarket line behind someone who needs a price check
…. Your son or daughter is past curfew.
In those situations, the slowness is just a perception. You want time to conform to your visceral need to get past the negative emotions of boredom, impatience or fear.
On the other hand, have you noticed that life seems to go so quickly when…
…you are totally absorbed in your work
…you are having fun with friends or family
…you are engaged in your favorite sport or hobby
…you realize Robin Williams has been dead for over 20 years
In those situations, the slowness evaporates in the moment. Time is neither fast nor slow. You are just there—in the moment--absorbed into time, engaged and present.
So the trick to slowing down is in neutralizing those emotions of boredom, impatience or fear--with acceptance.
I interview people for a living. The discussions are rather repetitive because I ask the same questions, more or less. If, on Monday, I see on my calendar that there are 25-30 interviews lined up for the week, I am anticipating all three of those emotions I mentioned above: fear (because I’m in a situation where clients will be assessing my work in real time); impatience (because I will be looking forward to that glass of wine back at the hotel later on after the work is completed); and boredom (because after the clients are happy and I’m on the 18th interview, the interviews will have become just a rote chore).
But every time I predict that arduous road, inevitably, I get to Friday afternoon and I marvel—Wow! That went fast! Where did the week go?
That’s because my work demands my being 100% present. I can’t flake off and check my phone while someone is talking about the tests they had for their diagnosis. I can’t start daydreaming about what I’m going to eat for dinner. I can’t scroll through Instagram while the person I’m interviewing is looking at me straight in the eyes. No, my job is to constantly assess if their answers. Do I have a follow-up question? Do I have to rein them in? Am I going to finish within the allotted time? I have to be 100% present every second of the interview. And as a result, time slips by under the radar.
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But the point of slowing down is not to hope time races by or to get things done faster or to create a day more tightly packed than a Kondo t-shirt drawer. The point is to be fully present in the time you are occupying.
Slowing down is not the goal;
it is the means to an end.
The goal is living in freedom-
freedom from the pressures of
hurry, from the distractions
that fragment our time and
creativity and love. Ultimately, it
means living at the deepest level
of our awareness.
-Eknath Easwaran, The Wisdom of Slowing Down
In Mile Marker 1 we talked about “living at the deepest level of our awareness.” That’s why slowing down is the very next step in the Exit 9 roadmap—that deep level of awareness is the friction that slows us down; and the slowing down enables us to see the edges of life with greater clarity.
“Life is a garden, not a road. We enter and exit through the same gate. Wandering, where we go matters less than what we notice.”—Kurt Vonnegut
That’s it for Part I. Part II will talk about the two paradoxes in slowing down. The first paradox—The American Paradox—will address “busyness as a modern-day status symbol” and the second paradox—The Productivity Paradox—will be: “How slowing down increases your productivity and self-fulfillment.”